Wednesday, 12 September 2007

Headlines: Something Happened

I couldn't care less.

I don't give a shit if I am naïve or not.
I don't give a shit on what you think.
I don't give a shit if anything happens to whoever on whatever day for whatever reason.

I don't give a shit on almost anything.
It doesnt concern my hard heart.
Yes, I may pity them but what else can I do? If I grief for them, will they spring back to life again?
If I cry my heart out will their family be happy?
I am a cold hearted freak, if that concerns you.

I held back my tears of sorrow when I got back my UPSR results. 2As and 3Bs when I expected to get at least 4As. I thought to myself 'there's no use crying. Tears won't change my results' and tears won't earn pity from the examiners' hearts.
And I held on to that principle till now. I learnt to 'berubah mengikut keadaan' (change according to situations) or a better known phrase 'adapt to new situations.'

I miss my late grandmother more than ever.
Thinking about her makes me cry.
Looking at the things she gave me makes me miss her even more.
Looking at myself and thinking how she moulded me to become what I am now makes me smile.

On her birthday, the 25th of August, I recalled what we did exactly 2 years ago. I looked at the pictures in my computer... smiling... blowing candles... cutting a 0.5kg blackforest cake... eating cake, everyone in the picture oblivious to the future...not knowing that that will be her last birthday.
She left us on the 11th of August. Exactly 2 weeks before her birthday.

Bottomline is reminiscence is not a bad thing, but too much of it will take over your life. So why bother recollecting the memories of the sad past instead of looking ahead?
I've learnt to move on. Why can't you?

Chloe, wondering who you are.