Saturday, 1 August 2009

Sometimes, I look at my cuzzie

and think of how proud my aunt is to have her.

The cuzzie is extroverted, pretty, smart, sociable, and takes part in everything that makes any parent proud.

Then I look at myself.
The introverted, non-study-able, disobedient, money spender. Never take part in anything. Even if I do, I never put my whole heart into it to win or to gain anything.

Then I glance at my cousin again.
Outspoken, adventurous, expressive, and everything she wears flatters her figure.

And then the mirror in front of me.
I have done nothing to make my parents proud. Maybe by getting that job immediately after the interview la. But that's it. I suck at maths, I suck at science. Especially physics and maths which my dad is extremely good at, and bio which my mum is very good at.

Come to think of it, scoring 100% for that TVB quiz I took a few years ago wasn't something any parent would be proud of.

Then a phone call from another cuzzie to my aunts asking about the welfare of my grandmother. She is on the verge of getting married with consent of both parents. Smart.

And then I reflect on my status.
The me who is afraid of commitment hasn't even thought of getting married. Let alone giving grandkids to my mum. Ok la, I thought of giving grandkids to my mum but not getting married.
I lied.
I actually thought of giving myself a kid without getting married but that was ages ago. wtf.
And my legs get all wobbly when I see pregnant women. It's like they will fall forward because their tummy looks so heavy and huge. And when they do, they might ter-squash the baby.
*shudders in geli-ness*
So I don't see myself having any baby bumps in the near future.

Then I glance back at the cuzzie. Again.
She has everything I don't have.

And that is my perfect cuzzie.

But despite all these, I'm somehow contented. Contented about how I am, how my life is. maybe it's because I too have everything she doesn't have. I may not have answers to many things, but I know I'm not empty.
I don't know how my parents feel about me, but I know I am. =)